I bet he comes in French.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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