I puked a lego.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
