I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
