i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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