He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
