some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
