i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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