You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
whose ass print is on the piano?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
