They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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