Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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