Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
