what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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