Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
