there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
