Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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