I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
