I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
