dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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