Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
