come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
