I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I think im going to throw up on grandma
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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