She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize