HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
