You really coming over, don't trick.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
