just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
be right there i have to get my cape
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
