Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
