I wannas sexs uuuuu
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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