Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
