____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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