You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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