I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
