I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
this hospital has no fireball
Randomize