I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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