you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
farters have to be the big spoon...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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