Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
