he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
