I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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