He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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