And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
