do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
