Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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