Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
