My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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