I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
