capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
