What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
