I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
