don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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