U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
honey bunches of taint.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
