I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
