$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
