I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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