im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
