just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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