I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
they're like a gay fantastic four
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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