I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
