also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
