I'd wear matching sweaters with you
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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