I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
