hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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