I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
operation harelip BJ is a go
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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