Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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