so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
