ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize