this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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