apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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