I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
