I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
