Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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