farters have to be the big spoon...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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