dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
