I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize