Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
